To forgive…or not forgive
I have two sets of kids; I call them the bigs and the littles. The bigs are teenagers, 15 and 17, and my littles are…well…little, 6 and 8. Recently, my littles did something that shocked, disappointed, and hurt me so deeply. It was a mistake, but an intentional mistake. A mistake that goes against everything that I have ever taught them. A mistake that goes against anything that makes perfect sense. There was no need for it and to be completely honest, the lack of character and integrity that they displayed was meant to make me feel like a failure.
A failure as a mom, a failure as a minister and a failure as a prophet of God. How could I have missed this? Why didn’t I know ahead of time? This mistake was a weapon that had been formed, launched, and had made contact! I wanted to fight, I wanted to cry…I wanted to throw an adult tantrum, but instead, I made a choice. I chose not to allow the weapon to prosper. Yes, it landed, but it was not going to do what it was designed to do.
I grew up in a time where every mistake warranted a whooping in the eyes of my elders. However, the punishment did not stop there. In addition to the sore behind, I would be put on punishment as well and looked down on in disdain for weeks until it was deemed by my punisher that I had suffered enough and could come back into their good graces.
Unbeknownst to be me, this practice planted a horrible seed, that despite its constant and rapid growth, I did not realize existed. This destructive seed, known as irredeemable, sprouted some other some pretty gruesome roots. You may be familiar with some of them – hopelessness, beyond repair, cast down, unpardonable, and unforgiveable.
Unforgiveable…something so bad that it cannot be forgiven or excused. The cycle of punishment that I was subjected to taught me that there was no such thing as just being simply forgiven. You had to ask, then beg, then grovel, then wait, and eventually you would be forgiven.
As I lectured my littles on the on the importance of making the right choices, I made a choice to forgive them. Not just a little bit, not some of the way, not almost all of the way, but completely and fully. I made a choice to move on and not hold it against them (hence, why I am not going to share with you what the mistake was!). Sometimes we think that we have taught our kids lessons, that they have to actually experience firsthand to fully learn. Not everyone learns the same way just by words or watching, some learn by doing.
I thought of the grace and mercy that God continues to give us when we ask for forgiveness. All we have to do is ask once and just like that, He tramples on our transgressions and mistakes and tosses them into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:9) I like how the MSG version of the Bible describes God’s nature in this process, “You don’t nurse your anger and don’t stay angry long, for mercy is your specialty. That’s what you love most.”
God our creator and Father, readily forgives us and showers us with compassion, no matter the mistake and no matter the intention! Whether we did it on purpose or did it in ignorance, God loves to show us mercy. What makes it hard for us to believe and receive forgiveness, is that we have been conditioned to think that it’s not possible to achieve without jumping through hoops and feeling condemned. What if the people in our lives readily showed grace and mercy when we fail or fall? How would that change our perceptions of forgiveness?
We love to say that we are generational curse breakers, but are we truly doing the work to break curses? In the moment that I addressed the mistake that the kids had made, I could either continue the curse of shame and condemnation, or I could display the virtue and character of Christ that I have on the inside of me and want to impart into them, by extending mercy and forgiveness. I wanted to encourage my kids and now you, that we do not have to be our mistakes. We can receive forgiveness instantly and continue to live a life of happiness and peace, or we can choose to continue to replay the same mistakes over and over in our minds and live a life of disgrace and humiliation. The choice is ours.
Even though my feelings were hurt, I chose to use the moment as a teachable moment, and as a result, I learned something too.
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